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Kicking The Habit- Day 1

02/24/2011

So I’ve talked briefly before about my endeavors to quit smoking, and today I had an epiphany as I looked at the last cigarette in my pack. This morning I said to somebody, “I wonder if I should smoke this now or later because I don’t want to buy another pack.” And simple as that, I had begun another quest to quit. But this time, I think I meant it.

In saying our goals out loud to others, we are creating an audience. Or, let’s use a better term, we are creating a support system. In thinking out loud about whether I should have the cigarette now, out of habit, or later, out of rabid craving, spelled out all the self destruction of smoking. With telling this person that I didn’t want to smoke anymore, I started to believe it more. ( And it helps that they would be the one to give me shit about buying a pack.)

I went to get a bagel and I didn’t run to the 7-11 next door for cigarettes. In fact, I didn’t smoke that last one in my pack of delicious Turkish Silvers until late this afternoon. I cleaned. I didn’t take a smoke break. I went to the gym for a yoga class that I love. I didn’t smoke on the way there, or home.  My one test today was going to the bar. When I arrived, I sat in the parking lot for two minutes, lost, not knowing how to walk in without a cigarette in my hand. So I drove to the gas station.

I really needed gas and I didn’t want to go later, so I got some. Then I pulled into a spot outside the attached convenience store and fought with myself about whether to go inside. Part of me actually tried to rationalize going in to just check the prices. I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to a bar, surrounded by smoker friends, and would have no trouble getting a smoke should I need it. I went back to the bar and walked in. The social scene was a little off from the usual and I scanned for who I could bum from. I did proudly tell some friends of my bold move of leaving the gas station without buying a pack. Creating that support system, ya know.

I waited until my beer was finished to ask someone  for a smoke and he obliged. At this point, the beer and atmosphere had given me a pounding headache, and the cigarette he gave me was a menthol. I went home shortly after. I didn’t last an hour.

I feel like I did good for day one. But day one is easy.  If I continue to do well, hopefully this will be an ongoing record of my progress. Not just with smoking, but fitness in general. I am working on cleansing my body and mind, but this is the first step: saying it out loud and believing I can. I really want to believe it this time.

Day: 1
Cigarettes: 2
Food: Great
Activity : Good
Stress level : Moderate
Feeling : Sick ( let’s face it, smoking with a post nasal drip probably isn’t the best idea, anyway.)
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