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I Would Rather


A scene, via Facebook chat

Me: Give me one good reason not to smoke a cigarette

Male Friend Who Often Gives Me Sage Advice: Because I don’t want to see you die before I do

Me: Oh, you. A better reason. I don’t care about your feelings

MFWOGMSA: Oh, ok. Because there’s already a dick in your mouth?

Me: Nope, not tonight!

MFWOGMSA:  Ok then you’re not giving me much to work with. I use feelings…you don’t give a fuck. I use “being a dick”…and your dick isn’t around. Honestly, I could give a rat’s ass whether you smoke or not. Unless there’s some REAL problem that needs REAL help…puff away.

Me: Ok, I guess I won’t have one. Yay, reverse psychology!

MFWOGMSA: Yay, it worked!

His words only helped a little. Before going out tonight, I scrounged up a cigarette and packed it alongside my NJoy electric cigarette. I figure in emergency situations, like being in an intimate setting with four smokers, I need to have a “break glass for emergency” actual cigarette to go along with my electric one. I have been loving the NJoy, and have been smoke free since 2am on Sunday, repercussions of a rather wild Saturday night out. I could talk about being good Wednesday while shopping (1.5), Thursday being good until the rum and Jagermeister (2 and 2 shared), Friday being good except the morning (1) , and Saturday day being stellar aside from getting the “this is when I would light a cigarette” thoughts, but I won’t bore you. I got the NJoy early Saturday evening and it has held me over since…until it started freaking me out. I had read before purchasing that the electric cigg has a tendency to, well, melt. I ignored this, spent more money than should ever be spent at a 7-11 and got the damn thing. I knew Saturday was going to be a real ‘night out’ around smokers and after two really good days and not having bought a pack in a week ( I still haven’t!), I thought it would be a wise investment. A final step in one process toward personal growth. Go ahead, this is your cue to laugh in my face.

So I buy this thing and it is great. It’s cute and fits in my pocket. It makes a little ‘wshhh’ sound when I inhale. And man, that pure nicotine and water vapor tastes good. Almost like hookah. After my one actual cigarette Saturday night ( well, Sunday morning), I was loving it even more. Even, yes, getting to my state of self-righteousness. Go, me! You’re doing great! Yesterday morning on the drive to work, though, I noticed something odd. As I was holding the fake stoge in my hand, I realized it was lighting up on it’s own. And smoke was coming out of the filter. Strange. Today, I changed the cartridge but noticed the same. I said to myself “I would rather smoke a cigarette than melting plastic”. So I smoked that emergency cigg while I played board games and drank beer with good friends. Sue me.

Day: 6
Cigarettes: 1.5 ( oh yeah, I split one, too.)
Food:  Bad ( mom and I locked ourselves out of the house on our walk so stopped at a local pub for beer and nachos)
Activity : Good
Stress level : low
Feeling : A bit headachey from smoke and my allergies are acting up from animals, but I have noticed that I am holding very little to no tension in my shoulders the last few days. Thanks, yoga.
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