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Weekly Mixtape- Care to Wallow?


It has been a long while since I’ve taken a mental health day but at the moment, as I’m sitting in bed in my pjs and robe, eating  a cup of Carvel’s rocky road and humming Dashboard Confessional tunes, I am wondering why I don’t do this more often. 

As an adult living with ADD, there are times when life gets so in my face, that I forget to slow down and my brain goes into complete panic mode and shuts down. This is usually the compilation of many weeks of stress, and by the end of it I am frustrated, exhausted and depressed. But in a world where the blanket mantra seems to be ‘keep calm and carry on’, I start believing thats what I have to do, and thats when I forget to take care of myself. (I also accidentally broke up with my shrink a couple months back. I need to call him. )

So today, I wallowed. I woke up depressed and I wasn’t entirely sure why, seeing as the last few days have been nothing but fun. I also woke up with a headache from the three cigarettes I smoked last night, and no painkiller seemed to relieve them. I sat on the couch in my pjs, ate leftover chinese for lunch, watched TV for the first time in ages and caught up on blogs. Relaxing, right? By 7pm I felt lazy and shameful, all the cleaning I had started bits and pieces of wasn’t done and I just wanted to go to sleep just to get out of my own brain. So started the Dashboard Confessional. So I put on pants, drove to get ice cream and came home to sit in bed in my pjs and divorce myself of that shame.  Rocky road is named that for a reason, I think. It’s an elixer that you never care for except in the most extreme circumstances, and when you get some, everything seems a little bit better. Or at least makes it OK to sit in your own sadness for a little while, and a little easier to respond to your BFF’s excited first date text without any bitterness about your own lonely ass.

Here are my picks for a little wallowing:

Rilo Kiley- A Better Son/ Daughter

Jenny Lewis kills me, and this song is so raw, perfect for those days when you’re just down and have to keep charging forward.

Joanna Newsom- Sadie

An aquired taste, to be sure, but Ms. Newsom has seen me through my fair share of break ups, without me even being aware that she was doing so.

Dashboard Confessional- The Best Deceptions

A little melodramatic, but this is the song that crept into my head this evening, after years of the album gathering dust on a shelf. Actually, this song is just an example; all of the album, The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most, is chock-full of first-rate 2000s emo lyrics for nostalgic twenty-something brokenhearts everywhere.

Don Henley- Heart of the Matter

This song reminds me of my high school sweetheart. We would drive around with this, Paradise by the Dashboard Light and Otis Redding on repeat. When I want to conjure up those kinds of memories, I put this on. India Arie also does a beautiful version.

Rufus Wainwright- Poses

I did go from wanting to be someone, now I’m drunk and wearing flip flops on Fifth Avenue.

Ugh, need I say more?

Sade- By Your Side

Weeping mess. Every time.  Pathetic.

Guest! My MFWOGMSA suggested this: John Legend – Everybody Knows

And Bob Dylan

That’s all I’m going to say. You’re sad? Listen to some Dylan.

He means bidness.


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