Moved!
Fuck Heineken
Formula.
There is an ADOLESCENT BOY. He is AVERAGE. He likes a GIRL who is ABOVE AVERAGE. Reasons for her being ABOVE AVERAGE are unknown, only that she is better looking than ADOLESCENT BOY and has a GAGGLE OF SNOTTY GIRLFRIENDS WHO ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN HER, yet she isn’t the alpha. She may or may not care about their opinions. She also has a LAME JOCK BOYFRIEND who bullies ADOLESCENT BOY.
ADOLESCENT BOY is being bullied by some ASSHOLES and falls upon a plot being conducted by BIGGER, BADDER ASSHOLES. ADOLESCENT BOY and his LOUDMOUTH SIDEKICK get in WAY OVER THEIR HEADS. They do not call the police.
Meanwhile, ADOLESCENT BOY begins platonic friendship with GIRL who is still with LAME JOCK BOYFRIEND. LAME JOCK BOYFRIEND threatens to break ADOLESCENT BOY’S face.
ADOLESCENT BOY and LOUDMOUTH SIDEKICK approach BIGGER BADDER ASSHOLES to return MONEY/JEWELS/DRUGS.
BIGGER, BADDER ASSHOLES put GIRL in peril when she comes looking for ADOLESCENT BOY.
LOUDMOUTH SIDEKICK gets mildly injured and becomes even more useless to ADOLESCENT BOY. ADOLESCENT BOY finds INNER STRENGTH and SELF ESTEEM to kick BIGGER BADDER ASSHOLE ass and save GIRL.
GIRL kisses ADOLESCENT BOY in WAREHOUSE. Fade out.
Fade in. ADOLESCENT BOY walks through school hallways with GIRL. LAME JOCK BOYFRIEND sees them and punches a locker. LOUDMOUTH SIDEKICK makes a wisecrack. Cue Sugar Ray tune, fade to black. Roll Credits.
or I regress:
This. Is. So. Messed. Up
This was a post intended for Wednesday but it has since been extended to include all lessons from the week.
- Accept that you will not remember anything from more than three days ago.
- Accept that the day you choose to wear white, you will inevitably spill coffee on yourself before you even enter the workplace.
- Accept that when you’re feeling exceptionally good about your performance at work, something will be said or done to make you feel like you suck at everything.
- Remember that they’re wrong. Relish in that fact.
- Daydream and mentally decorate in the home section at Target. Consider a new feather pillow or mattress pad. Drool over a vacuum sealed coffee mug.
- Linger a little longer than appropriate when you look at the flats that are encrusted with glitter
- Smile at the cute boy sitting next to you and say ‘yes’. He’s a good one. Keep smiling about it for the rest of the week.
- Write a little every day, with or without purpose.
- Laugh so hard that you may literally bust your stitches.
- Painting is therapeutic and requires no goal.
- You don’t need to be reading a magazine when you get your pedicure. Just enjoy the massage chair and your first frappuccino in the last 5 years ( it was half price).
- Have that beer.
- Laugh when your aunts blame each other for getting lipstick on your cheek.
- Make up new dance moves, the old ones are lagging.
- Sleep in.
- Screencap Lady Gaga videos without shame.
- “It ain’t no thing.”
It’s almost 4am and I’m a bit sleepy. I also have to tend to children tomorrow. Last track off of Pinkerton, on repeat.
I guess you’re as real as me, maybe I can live with that.
Sigh. Goodnight
30 Day Song Challenge- I Suck
Well, I think at one point I was a day behind, then I was a day ahead. So skipping one day gets me back on track, right?
Wait, how many bullets were in the gun?
Fickle Broad
We’ve made it halfway! I’ll keep it short and sweet.
Or at least I like to think so.
A couple of weeks back I was fortunate enough to be a part of an Earth Day event called Mother of Earth, that celebrated all female local artists, musicians and creative souls. I was vending that night, as well as photographing the event, hosting a hula-hooping contest, waiting for my mother to arrive and trying to see the performers downstairs- in short, I had to be everywhere at once. I also needed access to my cell phone, and since it was a crowded bar, I discarded my disgustingly large bag, slung my camera around my wrist, put my cell phone in the cup of my bra and my chapstick straight down the middle ( I was wearing a dress without pockets).
As I was scoping out the other vendors, there was a woman at the other end of my table selling sports bras. Upon further inspection, I realized that they weren’t sports bras, they were bras with pockets! Called the Buddie Bra, it is a sports bra with two pockets sewn into the interior for your phone, cash, ipod, and whatever else you would have just shoved in your bra in a pinch. Perfect for the gym rat, yes, but creator Renee Lewando had something else in mind. In 2008, her father and daughter were both hospitalized, and Renee needed to be connected at a moments notice. Rather than throwing her cell phone in a purse, she would put it in her bra, along with tissues, pens and other necessities. Also, Renee was of the mind that a woman should never be far from her phone, to feel safe even when she is alone. And with that, the Buddie Bra was born.
Wearing my Buddie Bra under a beater
I wore my Buddie Bra for the first time on some errands. It took some getting used to, since I haven’t worn a sports bra in several years, but after a few minutes I barely noticed it. The fit is snug, but not too tight ( I wear a large) and though it sits a little higher on the chest, it does not bunch up, pinch or slide. Underneath the arms, where one will usually find some discomfort, sits far enough below the armpit that it doesn’t dig. I am not able to move around too much because of my surgery, but I did some light, ahem, bouncing around the house ( for science!) and the bra didn’t budge and held the girls in their rightful place without the feeling of being flattened. I was wearing a cami underneath my dress for a little extra coverage at the Earth Day event and Renee told me she often uses a Buddie Bra for the same purpose; since it comes in 5 solid colors ( as well as a tie-dye and camo option), your bases are covered. The design is seamless enough so that the stitching for the pockets is barely noticeable.
But what about the important part, the pockets themselves?
I stuck my goliath of a phone ( a first gen droid) in the left pocket of the Buddie Bra and it didn’t budge until I wanted it to. Though the pockets are small, they’re not too tight that you struggle to get what you need. It was obvious that I had a big, rectangle something or other in my shirt, but I take that as a matter of course with a smartphone in my bra. Slip a chapstick or iphone in there and it will be almost unrecognizable. The pockets are lined on the inside, as well, so that your items don’t touch skin.
I will definitely be getting a lot of use out of my Buddie Bra once I get back to the gym. My only suggestion is that they make more colors available. The Buddie Bra retails for $24 and can be purchased at BosomBuddiesBoutique.com
*Disclaimer- This product was gifted to me by the company. All opinions are 100% my own. I am not being paid to review this product.
The Mind Motel 